Always it's smaller than you, even when it feels vast. You know, people will tell you it's going to be all right, but you don't necessarily believe them, because they don't know.’ĭepression is also smaller than you. Whereas the first time it happens you actually believe that stuff. Every time you disprove depression, the next time a bout of depression happens, you've got a little bit of armoury. And, you know, you live to see 25, you live to see 30. It totally convinced me I'd never have a sort of successful long-term relationship, I'd never have kids, I'd never be worth anything.

So it convinced me I wasn't going to be alive to see my 25th birthday. ‘Depression gives the bleakest world view imaginable. Haig has reflected on the nature of the depression and lucidly describes the characteristics of the illness as he experienced it.ĭepression, he says, affected his relationship with time. Rates of suicide vary so much between genders, ages, nations, and different cultures. This close call led him to realise that while depression is a universal condition, suicide is preventable. It wasn’t that he wanted to die, but he felt he could hardly bear the pain and terror he was experiencing. It's like you're kind of invisible, even though you can see yourself.It was so scary and alienating that he thought of throwing himself off the beautiful limestone cliffs into Mediterranean. It literally makes you feel like you're not real, it's a very hard thing to explain.

Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig